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I just woke up from the most interesting dream. It was one of those that I felt was meant to teach me something, & I can't get it off my mind.
In this dream I was at an event. Noah & several other children were passing stuff out at the event. He was off doing his own thing, but I would see him now and then. Jack was sitting in his chair & trying very hard to do what we wanted him to do...but he was a bit squirmy, as a 5 year old tends to be. Eric was sitting next to me in his chair & had headphones on. He was listening to the event in another language...I laughed. We were in a BIG auditorium & there were a LOT of people there. It was kind of like General Conference.
Anyway, I was sitting in this very comfy captain's chair...we all had big comfy captains chairs...and I begin to drift in & out of sleep. I awoke to someone pulling my hair through the hole in the headrest of my posh chair. It was a little girl with blond curly hair. I didn't like her very much, to be honest...but asked her to stop & went back to my drifting. She didn't stop. She kept pestering me & thought it was so funny. She was about Noah's age & I felt she should know better. After several failed attempts to get her to leave me alone, I stood up, took her by the hand, and asked her where her mother was.
She was a bit nervous, but took me to her mother. When I got into this room, the little girl ran to the table where her mother was working on some sort of crafty project & sat on one of the bar stools. She was greeted in a less than kind way from the mother, but stayed sitting there nonetheless. I sat down & was greeted with a small amount of obligatory warmth. The mother talked and talked for a minute & came off as being someone who was not very aware of others and not very careful about her thoughts and actions. I felt bad for the little girl.
The mother asked me if I needed something & I carefully told her why I had come. My tattling was significantly softer than I had initially intended it to be, but I figured I would want to know if my child had been acting that way...so I informed her in the kindest way I could. Her response threw me for a loop. She started talking about Noah & laughing about how silly his allergy was. She said things like " LOL! Well, I just think it's so strange that he can't be in certain places & that you have to be so careful!" and "he's just so different" then "you're so strict and serious about the whole thing". She went on and on! It was like she had gathered all of the unkind, insensitive things that people say to us about the way Noey has to live and she was sharing ALL of them with me at once. Plus she was laughing at us the whole time...like all the hoops we have to jump through are just so funny!
I was stunned.
In real life, that does happen to us occasionally. It is usually one or two at a time though & most people have some sort of boundary about how far they will take it. It is hard sometimes, but in the end, we can usually make them our friends and help them see that we aren't trying to be different or difficult...we are actually working very hard to help our son live a normal, healthy life. Then they usually become great advocates for Noey.
BUT, in this dream of mine, this lady seemed to be a caricature of all the misunderstanding people we ever encounter wrapped up into one. Finally, I stopped feeling so shocked and felt furious! I couldn't take it anymore, so I unleashed on her! I couldn't believe the unkind harshness in what she had done. "How dare you!?!" I said. "How can you be so unfeeling!?! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You think we LIKE having to be different? You think we LIKE having to do 1000 extra things everyday to keep our son safe!?! You think it's FUNNY that our little boy can't just live a carefree life like every other little kid you know!?! It is amusing to you that our 7 year old has to worry about dying from someone else's mistake!?!" I didn't stop there. "Well, congratulations to you lady! Maybe you should look a little bit more closely at yourself! Maybe you should teach your child not to go around pulling the hair of sleeping strangers! Maybe you should be kinder to her so she doesn't feel the need to get attention from people she doesn't even know! You want to criticize ME!?! You know what I do every day as a mother? My job every day is to keep my son ALIVE. My job is to make sure people like you don't kill him out of ignorance! That's what I do everyday! What do YOU do?"
I gave her a thorough tongue lashing. And I felt vindicated. I felt like she deserved it, and as I walked out of the room, I was mostly glad that I had said it.
Then I walked back to my seat & it wasn't until I sat down, that I realized where we were. That conference we had been attending was a funeral. And the woman I had just verbally destroyed was the mother of the little boy we were there to remember.
I woke up feeling sick. The truth is, I have wanted to say those things to people sometimes. I have wanted to lash out at them for their misunderstanding and lack of compassion. I do not like feeling like people think we are ridiculous and I feel hurt when people don't advocate for our son. My pride overrules my compassion sometimes. I don't think I've ever actually given in to that desire to lash out verbally at them, but I have wanted to. And I have sometimes said those things in my heart later as I relived the incident. I have felt that resentment... & resentment overshadows my own compassion and understanding.
I think it is so easy to feel hurt & picked on when people don't understand our situation. But in all honesty, we never know what they are going through...and since life is hard, it's pretty likely that they aren't thinking about our problems, because they are overwhelmed with their own.
In this dream I was at an event. Noah & several other children were passing stuff out at the event. He was off doing his own thing, but I would see him now and then. Jack was sitting in his chair & trying very hard to do what we wanted him to do...but he was a bit squirmy, as a 5 year old tends to be. Eric was sitting next to me in his chair & had headphones on. He was listening to the event in another language...I laughed. We were in a BIG auditorium & there were a LOT of people there. It was kind of like General Conference.
Anyway, I was sitting in this very comfy captain's chair...we all had big comfy captains chairs...and I begin to drift in & out of sleep. I awoke to someone pulling my hair through the hole in the headrest of my posh chair. It was a little girl with blond curly hair. I didn't like her very much, to be honest...but asked her to stop & went back to my drifting. She didn't stop. She kept pestering me & thought it was so funny. She was about Noah's age & I felt she should know better. After several failed attempts to get her to leave me alone, I stood up, took her by the hand, and asked her where her mother was.
She was a bit nervous, but took me to her mother. When I got into this room, the little girl ran to the table where her mother was working on some sort of crafty project & sat on one of the bar stools. She was greeted in a less than kind way from the mother, but stayed sitting there nonetheless. I sat down & was greeted with a small amount of obligatory warmth. The mother talked and talked for a minute & came off as being someone who was not very aware of others and not very careful about her thoughts and actions. I felt bad for the little girl.
The mother asked me if I needed something & I carefully told her why I had come. My tattling was significantly softer than I had initially intended it to be, but I figured I would want to know if my child had been acting that way...so I informed her in the kindest way I could. Her response threw me for a loop. She started talking about Noah & laughing about how silly his allergy was. She said things like " LOL! Well, I just think it's so strange that he can't be in certain places & that you have to be so careful!" and "he's just so different" then "you're so strict and serious about the whole thing". She went on and on! It was like she had gathered all of the unkind, insensitive things that people say to us about the way Noey has to live and she was sharing ALL of them with me at once. Plus she was laughing at us the whole time...like all the hoops we have to jump through are just so funny!
I was stunned.
In real life, that does happen to us occasionally. It is usually one or two at a time though & most people have some sort of boundary about how far they will take it. It is hard sometimes, but in the end, we can usually make them our friends and help them see that we aren't trying to be different or difficult...we are actually working very hard to help our son live a normal, healthy life. Then they usually become great advocates for Noey.
BUT, in this dream of mine, this lady seemed to be a caricature of all the misunderstanding people we ever encounter wrapped up into one. Finally, I stopped feeling so shocked and felt furious! I couldn't take it anymore, so I unleashed on her! I couldn't believe the unkind harshness in what she had done. "How dare you!?!" I said. "How can you be so unfeeling!?! Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You think we LIKE having to be different? You think we LIKE having to do 1000 extra things everyday to keep our son safe!?! You think it's FUNNY that our little boy can't just live a carefree life like every other little kid you know!?! It is amusing to you that our 7 year old has to worry about dying from someone else's mistake!?!" I didn't stop there. "Well, congratulations to you lady! Maybe you should look a little bit more closely at yourself! Maybe you should teach your child not to go around pulling the hair of sleeping strangers! Maybe you should be kinder to her so she doesn't feel the need to get attention from people she doesn't even know! You want to criticize ME!?! You know what I do every day as a mother? My job every day is to keep my son ALIVE. My job is to make sure people like you don't kill him out of ignorance! That's what I do everyday! What do YOU do?"
I gave her a thorough tongue lashing. And I felt vindicated. I felt like she deserved it, and as I walked out of the room, I was mostly glad that I had said it.
Then I walked back to my seat & it wasn't until I sat down, that I realized where we were. That conference we had been attending was a funeral. And the woman I had just verbally destroyed was the mother of the little boy we were there to remember.
I woke up feeling sick. The truth is, I have wanted to say those things to people sometimes. I have wanted to lash out at them for their misunderstanding and lack of compassion. I do not like feeling like people think we are ridiculous and I feel hurt when people don't advocate for our son. My pride overrules my compassion sometimes. I don't think I've ever actually given in to that desire to lash out verbally at them, but I have wanted to. And I have sometimes said those things in my heart later as I relived the incident. I have felt that resentment... & resentment overshadows my own compassion and understanding.
I think it is so easy to feel hurt & picked on when people don't understand our situation. But in all honesty, we never know what they are going through...and since life is hard, it's pretty likely that they aren't thinking about our problems, because they are overwhelmed with their own.
